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A Life Discoverer's Journey"Live with Joy, Succeed with Ease" - SPEAK For Life November 03 Are you burning out?Are you burning out? Are you doing so much that you feel you cannot handle? Are you taking too much upon yourself consciously and subconsciously that life becomes heavy. Are you performing so many roles that you have lost yourself? Are you running through every minute of your life that you are panting heavily and starting to feel breathless? Are you thinking of letting go of everything and going away? Are you thinking of giving up everything that you are doing and just take a break?
The list goes on........ How many times in your life have you felt that you are near a burnout or already burnout? How many times have you felt that you can no longer take on so many of life's challenges and responsibilities? How many times have you felt extreme fatigue over trying to make every aspect of your life work out for you? I have been there, I believe so have you, and that is normal.
All of us have needs, wants and desires; and most of us want to achieve them. So we go through everyday working hard to work out every aspects of our lives to fulfill our needs, wants and desires, both physiological and psychological. We have responsibilities too - to our children, our parents, our boss, our staff, our family, our community, our society, our nation etc. To add on to all these, we are always faced with challenges, problems, troubles, obstacles, setbacks, failures etc......
So the phrase "Life is not a bed of roses" sounds right, isn't it? Even if you were to have a bed of roses, there are still thorns among the roses, right? Then how do we pluck those thorns so that we can just lay on a "comfortable bed of roses"? Every thorn presents an experience, a lesson, a message. Some thorns are easier to remove (lessons that are easier to learn), some thorns are must more difficult, and may even result in bleeding (emotional pain from an experience). And when you are bleeding from accumulated "thorn wounds", a burnout occurs in body and mind, and egoic messages often start to surface in your mind.
What are egoic messages? Here are some examples - "Forget it, I am not going to do it anymore!", "They are all against me, fine! I leave!", "She is just unreasonable, I don't want to live with such a person!", "He is just so unsupportive, never care about my feelings. Why did I marry such a man!?", "My boss is a slavedriver, to hell with him!", "They are right, I am just not good enough.", "No matter how much I do and try, success just isn't mine to have.", "I am right, they are wrong!" etc.
Whether we are attacking others or ourselves, these are all egoic messages to put one party in the right, and the other party in the wrong. And when we do that, we will often opt for either of two ways - Fight or Flight, and neither will benefit us or the other party. Either way, we continue to sabotage the situation, relationship and everyone involved. No peace, no joy, no gains; but conflicts, chaos and losses.
A burnout presents a message, a learning, an opportunity to move ahead. It could be telling us that there are things we are doing that are not in line with our heart; stuffs we are carrying that we need not carry; roles we are performing that make us appear good but unreal; sacrifices that we are making that are not acts of love but selfishness; holding on to things that are weighing us down and stopping us from moving on; competitions we engage in with others and ourselves that are lose-lose; and self-destructive life patterns that we need to be aware and heal.
If you are heading towards a burnout, burning out, or burnt out, ask yourself what is something not in line with your heart that you are doing, carrying, performing, sacrificing, holding on, competing against..... There could be more than one. List them down, see if you could search within yourself for the reasons they are still with you. Know that whatever that is, it is not serving you well. Make a choice to let it go, and then let it go.
A word of caution: Be aware and careful not to use this as a chance or an excuse to escape from what is happening. Letting go is not escaping, but accepting what it is and then releasing it physically, psychologically and emotionally. How do you know if you are escaping or really letting go?
In true letting go, peace there is within. October 21 How to develop your Sixth Sense?The past month has been full of greens for me (Singapore guys would understand this once a year thing). Now back to work, and finally time to get back to my weekly posting (trying diligently to maintain this weekly sharing practice). For those of you who has been waiting, my apologies. As I am waiting to facilitate a class in 20 mins, thought I should just use this time to pen a recent inspiration.
A few days ago, when I was reading Eckart Tolle's "The Power of Now" (a fabulous read, finally finishing), I got inspired about "Sixth Sense" - something all of us would like to have, and all women are believed to possess. The inspired message that came in said these:
1. Many of us are not using our 5 senses (see, hear, taste, smell, touch)
2. All of us are using the "Common Sixth Sense" but we are not aware of it
3. To have true Sixth Sense (or Intuition), we need to stop using the "Common Sixth Sense"
So what is the "Common Sixth Sense"? How is it different from the true "Sixth Sense" or Intuition?
"Common Sixth Sense", like the phrase suggests, is the "sixth sense" that we use more often and more unconsciously (not aware) than our 5 senses. The "Common Sixth Sense" is none other than "THINKING". Yes, we think more than we see, hear, taste, smell and touch.
Examples:
- when we are looking out of the window when travelling in a car, we are THINKING about a past experience or what we need to do later.
- when we are listening to someone speaking, we are THINKING what to say after he has finished, how to rebute him, how to prove him wrong.
- when we are eating a dish, we are thinking of the work that we have not done and our upcoming appointments and meetings
- when we are holding the hand of our partner, we are thinking of what to eat, where to go, what to do, what to say etc.......
- the list goes on...... (just think of all those moments when our mind takes over our 5 senses)
There you go, all of us have this "common Sixth Sense", yet many of us are not aware of it. We are not aware that we think unconsciously; we are not aware that we think we are who we think we are yet we are not; we are not aware that we think what we think is what we think yet it is not, we are not aware that we do not lead our thinking but it is our thinking that leads us..........
So perhaps the way to really LEAD our life is not to THINK? For thinking creates negative emotions such as jealousy, fear, anger, sadness, meaninglessness, valuelessness etc. The more we think, the more we are led instead of leading. The more we are led, the more we think and react. The more we think and react, the more we are led and the more we are lost in this vicious cycle........
So how to develop the true Sixth Sense? Be aware, be conscious, be here, be present, be in this moment, just feel.
THINKING drowns life, FEELING revives life.
September 27 Doing NothingMany people wish for the day they could just do nothing - no work, no household chores, no studies, no assignments, no projects, no duties, no obligations, no responsibilities etc....... But is doing nothing what most of us want? Or should I say, is doing nothing what most of us can really do?
Imagine a day where you are allowed to do nothing, yes, nothing. No physical tasks, no mental tasks, nothing. Or perhaps you can just try doing nothing in the next 5 mins. No actions, no thoughts, nothing. Go ahead........
Was it easy? Was it easy to do nothing and think of nothing? Was it easy to just be? If you had this thought "do nothing, think nothing", you are already doing something. Perhaps doing nothing is not as pleasant and as easy as it seems or as what is wished by many. The fact is that when we are truly allowed to do nothing, our mind takes over and think of something, often propelling our body to do something as well.
Perhaps most people cannot really do nothing. What do people do when they are free? - watch tv, eat, sleep, chit chat, shop etc. All these are all doing something. Oh yes, even sleeping is also doing something. Most of us cannot stand doing nothing, for doing nothing means no actions, no thoughts, just being, just in the moment, just at present.
Doing nothing could be scary to many, because when we really do nothing and just stay in the moment and be at present, we get connected with our heart, get into our inner self, and feel who we truly are. For many, this is a place that may not be comfortable for we have been taught to think more than to feel; we have been taught to be strong more than to be real; and we have been taught to "use your brain" more than "follow your heart".
This place that we get to in doing nothing is actually a place of peace and calm, it require no logical rationalization or explanation for it is not a place where thinking with our brain could lead us to. On the contrary, we can only get there if we do not use our brain and do not think. Some people get there via meditation and other spiritual practices, and those who have been there know how great it feels to be there.
Today is Sunday, I am currently free, nothing to do, and I am learning to do nothing. Oh no, learning to do nothing seems like also doing something. Yes, it's not about learning, not about trying to understand, not able trying to acquire a skill; but just about experiencing the moment, being at present, and DOING NOTHING......... September 17 Is being weak really bad? Is being strong really good?In two separate personal coaching/therapy sessions recently, a common theme surfaced "Weak vs Strong" - "I am weak" being bad, and "I am strong" being good. Here, we are talking not about physical strength, but about mind and emotions.
We are all too familiar with our parents, close friends, and others telling us "Guys shed only blood and not tears", "Don't be a weakling!", "What's there to cry about?", "It's just a small issue, don't let it affect you", "Be strong and fight for your survival", "Control your emotions and don't show your weak side", "Crying shows that you are weak" etc........
Unfortunately, all these statements and the like have developed many of us into adults with an untrue sense of strength, thinking that we should always suppress those emotions that show the "weak" side of us and just "be strong". But how is crying weak? How is not crying strong? How is showing that we are strong really strong? How could this strength be true strength when we are not even strong enough to face our true "weak" emotions. How is this strength true strength when we don't even have the strength to bear a drop of our tears? In my opinion, this is just fake strength.
Fake strength doesn't strengthen us, like crying doesn't weaken us. True strength comes from being true to our hearts, comes from truly experiencing the negative emotions that we are feeling, crying the tears if need be, acknowledging our weaknesses, accepting support from others, and healing our hearts. A healed heart is truly strong, for it is full of joy and peace; an unhealed heart is definitely weak for it is overloaded with negative emotions just waiting to explode.
Crying is just our physiological gift of healing and expressing of our deep emotions. Since this is a gift, how is it that we reprimmand our children for using this gift, suppress our desire to use this gift, and judged others for using this gift? Perhaps we should stop telling our children "Guys shed only blood and not tears", stop reprimmanding our friends and loved ones for crying, stop suppressing our desire to cry, and stop denying this gift of healing.
For a guy, I would be considered as someone who cries easily, perhaps even more easily than many ladies whom I know. I choose to be true to my heart, I choose to use this gift to heal myself, I choose to be truly alive with emotions; for I believe in true strength that comes from within, not fake strength that is shown on the outside. September 10 Emotions Tsunami IVI was preparing some training materials for a corporate group coaching at a MNC this Friday when I chanced upon the following picture. I had received this picture via email ages ago and have kept it since. I apologise for not being about to credit the owner and creator of this picture, whoever you are, thank you for this very insightful creation.
As explained in my recent postings, an Emotions Tsunami is a series past suppressed and repressed negative emotions visiting you all at once. It is usually triggered by a particular "earthquake" (event), and these negative emotions resurfaced in gigantic waves and hit you off balance, knocked you "unconscious", and leaving you "drowning". This event may not always be a bad one, some good events could be triggers too. Allow me to elaborate.
In working with one of my personal coaching/therapy clients last week, I discovered that good events could trigger Emotions Tsunamis too. This client is getting married (good event) to a lady whom in his words "is probably the best person I could marry". Yet, he feel very unsettled about taking this next step. We discussed about his fears, worries and anxieties; and explored deeply way back into his past and childhood events. Many past heartbreaks, negative emotions and life patterns were uncovered.
Over the past few months since they have decided to get married, he has been in and out of Emotions Tsunamis. My feel is that he probably feels more negative emotions than positive ones about the coming marriage. In his words again, "I am taking a risk". Throughout the coaching/therapy session, though we have identified childhood issues and life patterns as the roots to his fears, worries and anxieties; he seems consciously and subconsciously not ready to let go of them and move on yet. As his coach/therapist, I respected his decision and gave him the time and space he needed.
Most of us would have unfinished business and issues in the past that we subconsciously and unconsciously carry into our lives today, creating the affecting the world around us presently. A good gauge of how much unsettled issues we have had in the past is to look at how happy, successful and fulfilled we are with life now. Unless we make peace with the past, Emotions Tsunamis will continue to visit us now and then after being triggered by both bad and good events.
To survive Emotions Tsunamis and sail with peace and joy in the sea of life, let go and make peace with the past. |
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