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A Life Discoverer's Journey"Live with Joy, Succeed with Ease" - SPEAKForLife.com March 09 Why did Tiger Woods and Jack Neo do what they did?I am writing a blog sharing that I do not have a title yet. Although I have the theme in mind, I am still struggling with a title as I do not want it to appear as insensitive, especially during this period where Singaporeans' attention is drawn to a particular matter in the entertainment industry. Perhaps by the time I finish, the title will be shown to me. Let's see how it goes.
If you know what I am refering to, you know what I am talking about. Tiger Woods has hit the news recently for a wrong reason. In the eyes of the masses, he has joined the ranks of Bill Clinton, Jackie Chan and other successful people who have so called "strayed". When we see such things happening, we often hear people asking "WHY DID HE DO IT?" In Tiger's apology video, I remembered specifically the he said "......thanks to fame and money........."
But was it really fame and money that had caused them to do what they did? Some people blame money and fame for their actions. Others blame the LACK of money and fame for their actions. Since both those who possess and those who lack money and fame make mistakes, then the problem is not with money and fame, isn't it?
In this blog sharing, I like to attempt to do the following:
1. Discuss what could possibly have "caused" Bill Clinton, Jackie Chan, Tiger Woods and most recently Jack Neo to do what they did.
2. Raise attention to parents about what NOT to tell them children from Tiger's and Jack's incidents and the potential consequences
3. Summarise key learning and what we can share with our children from these incidents
Why did they do what they did?
Many people are in the rat race to get ahead and achieve the materials, wealth and status. What we may not realise is that in pursuing the materials, wealth and status, we feel alive. Though we may feel stressed, disappointments and frustrations, we also feel purposeful, driven and excited; all these emotions let us feel that we are alive. That's why people who have arrived at their goals may suddenly feel lost, lack of purpose, and not alive. Let me give you a few examples.
In one of Neil Armstrong's interview where he was asked how he felt being the first person to successful step onto the Moon, he replied surprisingly that it was not a feeling of great success, but a feeling of great uncertainty and lost. For a man who had spent years training to fulfill mankind's dream of going to the moon, his small step on moon certainly signifies a great step in mankind. But for him, the question was, "Now that I have arrived, what's next?".
I have a friend who spent his early to mid twenties working really hard to make his first million, or in his words "his first bucket of gold". He told me that he remembers very vividly that the day he made his $1million when he was 28 years old, he drove his BMW 5 Series to Paragon (an up market shopping mall), parked at the carpark and went out sitting along orchard road. Looking at the people walking by, he too felt not a great sense of success, but a great sense of uncertainty and lost with the same question in his mind, "Now that I have arrived, what's next?".
Imagine you have worked so hard to get the materials, wealth and status that you want. The process makes you feel purposeful and alive, but once you have arrived and after the very short initial exhilaration, you will start to experience a lack of purspose, direction, meaning and drive. The feeling of being alive is gone. Especially for those who have achieve extraordinary success like Bill, Jackie, Tiger and Jack; they now feel "DEAD".
Very successful and rich people who feel "dead" can derive very little excitement from their materials, wealth and status. They need more intensive "stimulants" to feel alive. They need more dramatic triggers to excite their hearts. They need more sensational events to "feel high". Thus we see very successful people straying into drugs, extramarital affairs, crimes etc. This does not only apply to men, the same goes for women. Famous celebrity actress and singer Whitney Houston turned to drugs with her former husband after she made millions and achieved fame.
So why did Bill, Jackie, Tiger and Jack do what they did? A possible cause: They felt dead inside, and they needed to feel alive again, both consciously and subconsciously. The negative consequences of their drugs, extramarital affairs and crimes will also allow them to feel alive, though in a not so desirable way.
What parents must NOT tell their children from these incidents?
Incidents like these probably reinforced what many adults believe:
- men turn bad when they have money
- rich men do naughty things
- rich men are playboys and unfaithful
- rich men keep mistresses
- money makes a person turn bad
- money and fame changes a man
- etc........
Adults who hold these beliefs were most probably inculcated when they were young by their parents, and from their personal experiences in their families and the people around them. Imagine if a man were to believe that men who become rich become bad, would he still subconsciously or unconsciously still want to become successful and rich? If a woman were to hold this belief, would she subconsciously still want her partner to become successful and rich? Would she enjoy a good relationship if her partner were to become successful and rich? The answer is no.
Even though a man consciously want to succeed and become rich, subconsciously he is afraid of being successful and rich because he believes that he will turn bad. Even though a woman consciously wants to her partner to be successful and financially abundant, she may subconsiously sabotage his success so that he will not become bad; or make things difficult for her partner who is now successful and strain their relationship.
All parents would like their children to grow up and be successful in life and financially comfortable. As such, it is important that we must NOT consciously or subconsciously communicate to our children that "men turn bad when they become rich and successful". If there is anything that we could teach our children from Tiger's and Jack's incidents, it should be about love, family, fidelity, integrity, responsibility etc. Definitely NOT "men turn bad when they become rich and successful".
We all want our children to be successful in all areas of life (including money), enjoy good relationships and have happy families, don't we?
What we could learn and share with our children from these incidents?
1. There are many rich and successful men in our societies who are responsible spouses, parents and citizens. These people continuously make a conscious choice to be a faithful spouse, a responsible parent, and a good citizen.
2. Fame and money do NOT drive misbehaviours. Fame and money could be used constructively to bring about positive influence and outcomes in the family, community, society and nation.
3. All of us want to feel purposeful and alive. We can feel purposeful and alive by bringing hope, joy and life into other people's lives.
4. We are responsible for our choices and the consequences. Whatever happens, we have got to face it, learn from it and then move on.
5. What we see is not necessarily the reality. One or two blown-out-of-proportion cases by the media do not represent the majority and truth. Be wise and be discerning about what we see and hear.
Thank you for reading and feel free to share this posting with your family and friends. Now that I have reached the end of this posting, I have got to decide what would be an appropriate title. Hmm....... Perhaps just simply "Why did Tiger Woods and Jack Neo do what they did?".
Live with Joy, Succeed with Ease
Jensen Siaw
March 02 Time Machine Discovered!(Sharing by Yan Yew Kay, Personal Empowerment Trainer, SPEAKForLife.com) We have recently discovered a time machine that allows people to go back in time. However, there are a few drawbacks. Firstly, due to the risk involved, each person is only allowed to take this machine ONCE in their entire life time. Secondly, when you reach your desired time, you will suffer amnesia (aka memory lost) or lost of sanity. However, memory will recover when they have returned to their "present" time. If you know the above limitations, will you still want to take the time machine back in time? If you said "YES" and went back in time to fix something, you would have lost your memory on why were you back there. Do you think you will still change anything? What if the "now you" have already taken this time machine and you are here to fix something just that the effect of the time travel have left you with a memory loss. What can you do now so that few years later or 10 - 20 years later you will not say the same thing again "If only I can turn back time, I would have ________" So my friends, get out and do everything that you can and do not regret your decisions. You have travelled back in time from the future to right something wrong. February 26 What is the underlying (unconscious) message?I went through an interesting experience today when I was at Radio 100.3FM. When I left the radio studio after co-hosting a segment with DJ Kemin, I forgot my drink that I had brought in earlier. Then I went to the loo. After I left the loo, my colleague asked me, "Where is your notebook?" I had forgotten and left it in the loo. As we were walking towards my car, my colleague asked me again, "have you returned your pass?" Oh no, I had forgotten to.
Three consecutive "forgots" within a span of 5 to 10 minutes. "There must be a very strong unconscious message that I have been given, but what is it?", I thought to myself. I briefly discussed with my colleague about what could possibly be the underlying unconscious message behind my three consecutive "forgots". We didn't arrive at an answer and put it aside temporarily. Later in the office, we brought up this topic with another colleague, and suddenly, I had a realisation. The message dawned upon me very clearly. I have been forgetting something in my life, now I know what is the message.
You must be asking or wondering why did I get so "paranoid" about "accidental incidents" or "coincidences" in my life? Well, what if I were to tell you that there are no coincidences? Heard the saying that "everything happens for a reason"? I have learnt from spiritual mentors and my study in life and psychology that our daily happenings and processes represent unconscious dynamics within us and often present very important messages that require our attention.
I recall a few days ago a friend of mine was just sharing her recent near misses on the road. Since she got into an accident a few weeks ago, she has had several near misses with road accidents. "There must be a very important underlying unconscious message for you", I shared with her. We discussed in more depth and arrived at possible messages that these near misses could be telling her.
How's your life been recently? Any "coincidences", "accidental incidents", "repeating patterns", "unexpected happenings" etc? From my experience and training, I have learnt that most of the time, there is an important underlying unconscious message. Interesting, isn't it? February 25 Seeing is NOT believing. Seeing is........Over my past years of study, experience and research in Life and Psychology, I realised that there is a common fundamental principle that is advocated by spiritual teachers, metaphysicists and psychologists. This principle is also taught in various psychological / therapeutic methdologies such as Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), Time Line TherapyTM (by Tad James), Psychology of Vision (POV) etc. So what is this fundamental principle?
At SPEAK For Life, we call this a Life Principle:
Perception is Projection
Perception is what we believe, understand, and recognise about the things, people, information and other matters around us. Our perceptions are lenses in our brain through which we see the world around us. If you were wearing a pair of spectacles with yellow lenses, naturally everything will look "yellowish" to you. If you were wearing a pair of shades, everything will look "shaded" to you, isn't it? That is Projection.
Thus whatever we believe, understand, and recognise within ourselves form the lenses through which we see the world around us, which are our Projections. And if the world that we see is shaped by our perceptions (our internal lenses), then who is responsible for whatever that is taking place in our world? You have the answer already, don't you? Yes, that's the answer. That's right.............
With this life principle of "Perception is Projection", we can also discover more about our perceptions and understand ourselves better. How?
Tune in to my regular LIVE sharing on Radio 100.3FM with DJ Kemin today at 2pm - 3pm.
(See video at http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=324537613796&subj=678678796) February 18 Where does joy of life come from? |
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