A Life Discoverer's Blog

As I am waiting for my car servicing to be completed, I shall make use of this time to pen another posting on this blog. What am I going to write about? Honestly, I don't know yet; the title has not been fixed, I shall just let my thoughts flow........

 

About a week ago was my Lunar Birthday and I received a red packet each from my parents as their blessings to me. What followed surprised me. My "house manager" Dawn (a very capable full-time domestic helper from Burma/Myanmar) also gave me a red packet, and when I opened it I was surprised to see a SGD$10 note! To many of us $10 might not be much, but it is equivalent to about $8,000 in her home currency, one-quarter of what she used to receive as monthly salary back home!

 

I did thought of returning her the $10 as this is her hard-earned money, but decided otherwise as this is her sincere blessings to me. I shall keep this $10 note as a reminder of what True Generosity is, something she has continued to demonstrate throughout these two years with my family. Dawn has shown me time and again what my Dad has inculcated in me since young, that we do not need to be rich to give, donate, or lend others a helping hand. Giving is from the heart, not from our resources.

 

When I was studying Buddhism in my childhood, I came about this story. It goes something like this: Buddha was coming to a place and many devotees flocked to meet him. There was this elderly lady who also wanted to meet him and "offer light" (a candle), but she was very poor and didn't have the money to buy a candle. So she sold something that was very precious to her (cannot recall what was it she sold, maybe her hair) to buy a candle. At the ceremony, thousands of candles were lit as offering to the Buddha, including hers. Suddenly, strong winds blew and all the candles were blown out, except hers - because she gave sincerely from her heart, and that stood the test of strong winds.

 

Whether it is giving to someone in need, charity, religious organizations, there are plenty of opportunities and many of us get approached very often on the streets, over the phone, in the shopping malls, in schools, at work etc. I have seen many people give willingly and generously, and have also came across some who gave apprehensively and sometimes unwillingly, and of course those who choose not to give. I believe there is no right or wrong here, just a matter of choice, decision, and attitude. Allow me to discuss two attitudes involved in giving here.

 

 

This is something that I have been inspired to write about: True Love. Over the past 2 years of attending Psychology of Vision (POV) workshops, this phrase has continuously come up among the concerns, wants, and desires of many participants, including myself. We are all concerned about finding true love, knowing if the person we are with is our true love, who is our true love etc........

 

Recently, a realization about True Love dawned upon me, thus inspired to share this here. I do not know if this realization is the truth, for I am still discovering about psychology and spirituality. Perhaps fellow POV-ians could read and share your views, non POV-ians could read and give it a thought........ This posting is meant to be a sharing for discussion on this path of life discovery........

 

I remember in August last year, POV Master Trainer Hiromi said that every love is a true love, as long as we are committed to the relationship. Nearly 9 months later, as I am attending my 2nd POV Steps-To-Leadership programme, I have finally grasped more of the essence of this statement. Let me share what I have realized and understood in a Q&A format:

 

Since every love can be a true love, then true love is not a person. Some of us wonder if the person whom we are with is our true love, where can we find our true love, who is truly our true love. But True love is not a person, it is what we find in a person, when we are fully committed in body, mind & heart.

 

True love is the feeling of bliss, joy, peace, warmth & love that we experience in our partner when we are able to see him or her as he or she truly is, not as our projections. When we find some parts in our partner that we dislike, that is a projection. When we can go beyond these projections and accept everything in our partner, we will find true love.

 

Be committed to our partner and our relationship. Our partner is a reflection of our subconscious and unconscious mind. He or she will manifest the parts that we dislike about ourself (that we have suppressed or repressed), our childhood heartbreaks (that we have forgotten) and so on. All these manifestations shown in our partner are reminders that we have not healed certain issues, and are opportunities for us to heal our heart.

 

Co-Founder of POV Dr Chuck Spezzano said in a radio interview that he has found that the way through every problem is in joining with his wife, Lency Spezzano (Co-Founder of POV too). As such, with commitment to our partner and in joining with him or her, we could heal our past issues and neutralize the problems that we face in our life today.

 

* Be willing to commit 100% to our partner

* Be committed to loving and caring for our partner

* Be committed to healing our past heartbreaks shown up in our partner

* Be committed to healing what we dislike about ourself but projected onto our partner

* Be committed to seeing our partner as who he or she truly is

* Be committed to finding true love in our partner 

 

I remember that my partner had asked my this question - "How do you know I am the one for you?"

 

My answer - "I love you to be the one, and I am committed to you being the one." I continue to commit to my partner and our relationship........

 

I am still learning on this path of relationship and true love, please share your views and insights for all of us to learn and benefit.

 

Love,

Jensen Siaw

Life Discoverer

Over tea yesterday, my friend was telling me about developments in his career and life. Out of everything that he said, one statement stood out and caught my attention, and I believe it will now catch your attention too: "I have not been true to myself".

 

Have you been true to yourself? What is being true to ourself? For me, being true to myself can be summarizd in three simple words - "Follow my heart".

 

Many of us would have almost lost the connection with our heart, for we have been taught to compare, logicalize, rationalize, and analyze. In most cases, when our heart tell us to do something, we would use our logical mind to consider the pros, cons, possible consequences and many "what ifs". Usually, after analyzing with our logical mind, we can find 101 reasons why we "should not be emotional" and therefore choose not to do what our heart tells us to do.

 

That's right, many of us end up following logic, what's right, expectations of others, societal norms, "should bes", "have tos", "need tos" etc........

 

Some years ago when I was at a friend's Cafe, I saw "graffiti" on the wall. My friend, Kenny Toh told me that he had written all those phrases using paint when he was drunk one day. There must have been close to twenty phrases, and here are those that I remember (if I didn't remember wrongly):

 

 

It is true that "being true to yourself" or "following your heart" doesn't guarantee success or that life will be a bed of roses, but it does bring meaning and "worthwhiles" into the journey.

 

Not being true to yourself and not following your heart may put you on an easier route full of roses, but the smell of the roses will not fill your heart, the journey will not excite you, the destination will not fulfill your spirit, and there will be little meaning and "worthwhiles"........

 

I have learnt to not think too much and just listen to and follow my heart........ I am not saying it is easy, for I still find it challenging at times. However, I know this is the way to a more meaningful discovery process of life, self, possibilities, peace at heart, true emotions, love........

 

Give it a shot. Too much certainty in life can be boring. Yes, uncertainties could hurt, and they could bring limitless joy and pleasant surprises too.

 

I like this phrase that I just saw in an email - "Love like you have never been hurt before".

I seldom get this. Friends who have gone to camps and travelled with me know that I am someone who fall asleep almost as soon as I hit the pillow. Tonight is one of those rare nights where snoozing seems to be out of my physiology. Since I can't sleep, might as well get up and do some writing, let's see what comes up........

 

"Commitment brings about Freedom", I remember seeing this statement in one of my friend's office some months ago. Like you must be, I was puzzled, how could commitment bring about freedom? When we commit to a relationship, don't we have to always consider our partner in our decisions? When we commit to a marriage, don't we lose our freedom like what the married always say? When we have young children, don't we lose the freedom to go travelling with our spouse whenever we want to?

 

So how could commitment bring about freedom? Over dinner earlier, a buddy was just telling me that she prefers to remain unattached and single so that she can go wherever she wants whenever she wants to without having to "report" or be accountable to a partner. "But is this true freedom?", I thought to myself but couldn't agree. I believe true freedom is not about travelling through life alone, for you will not experience the joy and bliss of an intimate relationship and the deep connection with a soulmate. I believe in "taking someone with you" (see last posting).

 

Because I couldn't really understand the statement "Commitment brings about Freedom" when I first saw it, I asked my friend who had written it to explain. As a marriage counsellor and psychology trainer, she gave me the following example:

 

When we fully commit to a relationship / marriage, there is faith and emotional security. With these, our partner trusts us and "allows" us the freedom to do whatever it is we need to do and want to do. When we are committed to building and providing for a family, our partner trusts us with the freedom to do what is needed to bring the bacon home and improve the quality of life for both of us and our children.

 

I see that this statement could also be applied to the workplace. When we are committed to our job and results, and our boss can see that, he empowers us with the "freedom" to make decisions and execute plans, without breathing down our neck on the details and tracking our whereabouts. When we are committed to our profession and career, others could see and feel our devotion and capabilities and therefore give us opportunities, allowing us the freedom to go places in our career.

 

Similarly, a student who is committed to his academic results will do what is needed to achieve academic success, and his parents will not be coming after him to study, but will give him the freedom to explore his interests and leisure activities.

 

Let's ask ourself the following questions:

 

"Am I committed to my studies?"

"Am I committed to my job?"

"Am I committed to my results?"

"Am I committed to my girlfriend / boyfriend?"

"Am I committed to my wife / husband?"

"Am I committed to my family?"

"Am I committed to my boss?"

"Am I committed to the next step

 

Commitment is more than just physical, it involves your mind and heart (soul). It starts with a Decision to Commit.

 

It is only in committing that we can be truly free........

 

Jensen Siaw

Life Discoverer

This is the first time I am blogging under the influence of alcohol, just had a glass of Baileys at the comfort of my home. Let's see what comes out from this posting........

 

We have just stepped into April and that means a quarter of 2009 has just gone by. How was the quarter for you? For me, it sort of zoomed past as I was putting my heart and soul into a certain life project I was and am still working on. Hope whatever you have been working on for the past 3 months has been fruitful and successful. If not, hang in there and continue to commit to whatever you are doing, for commitment brings about the truth and the next step........

 

Recently I listened again to an audio CD by Dr John C. Maxwell entitled "Travelling Through Life". I particularly like his discussion relationship, that in life it is important to "take someone with you" - have a partner/spouse/soulmate. He shared that the best moments in one's life has to do with relationship. He also said that it's true that having someone with you "will inconvenience you". You cannot start as early and move as fast, for you will have to wait for that someone and move together in life.

 

It took me a few years to really see the need to "take someone with me" on this life journey. I remember that in my teenage years and early adulthood, I had thought that having a relationship (girlfriend) was a burden/distraction/not necessary. That was the independent Jensen at work. I felt that being alone was easy, didn't have to "report" to anyone, could go anywhere I wanted to, didn't have to consider too much in doing something etc......... I remember that I was so busy with full-time work, part-time work, freelance work, and part-time studies that I thought to myself: "Lucky I do not have a girlfriend. If not she will definitely break off with me". I was wrong.

 

In the recent years after learning psychology and attending many healing workshops, I realized that my justifications and busy work schedule for not having a girlfriend were just "reasons" (excuses) that my ego had created so that I can continue to walk life's journey alone and not take someone with me. Yes, our ego is excellent in justifying our choice to be independent, to separate from other people in our relationships, to withdraw so as to protect ourself from harm etc. Realise that whatever our ego is telling us, it is not the truth. Then we may ask:

 

The truth will reveal itself as long as we are committed to seeking it, following the flow, and trusting the process (though the process may sometime be uncomfortable at first)

 

There is nothing wrong, or rather, there is no right or wrong. Protecting ourself is often just a disguise of being afraid to dig up past heartbreaks and negative emotions. Recognise that if we do not face them and handle them, they will always come back to haunt us.

 

Time is never wasted, for whatever you are doing, whether it is working or not presents something with learning value, a valueable lesson. Whether it works or it's meant to be, only commitment and continuing to walk on the path will tell. Whatever the outcome, there is always a message and learning for us. If we were to choose to leave and opt out of this experience now, we will sooner or later come back to this point again, facing similar situations with the same underlying energy.

 

Life is too interesting to walk alone, take someone with you.

Life is too challenging to walk alone, take someone with you.

Life is too enjoyable to walk alone, take someone with you.

Life is too dull to walk alone, take someone with you.

Life is too short to walk alone, take someone with you.

 

Yes, take someone with you and truly experience life........